Why a mom’s claim that her kids are her “built-in best friends” sparked a wave of concern

Brooke Raybould—a homeschooling mom of five with a successful business and a large following—recently shared a TikTok that quickly went viral. In it, she explains that she doesn’t prioritize friendships. Her life feels full, and her time is “expensive currency.” Her five sons are her built-in best friends. Her husband is her sixth.

@brookeraybould

Way back when, I used to feel self-conscious about my ability to make and keep friends. In high school, I never really “fit” anywhere and if I did connect with someone, it was usually that one random friend I could just be myself around. In college, I tried to fit in. I joined a sorority. Later, I joined mom groups. Those served their purpose for that season. But now I’m 37, and my life is fuller than it’s ever been. I don’t prioritize friendship the same way. I have five kids, a husband I adore (and have to be intentional about making time for), and a business I love so much I can lose hours in it without noticing. What I’ve learned is that less is more. My standards for myself and my time are high, so why would I treat friendship any differently? It turns out the people I’m most intrigued with being friends with have their priority list stacked pretty similarly. I also think we forget that, historically, humans were never wired to manage 60 friendships at once. Nomadic life was about small, close-knit circles—people you trusted with your survival. Modern technology makes it possible to stay loosely connected to dozens of people, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy or necessary. It’s okay to have boundaries, to let some relationships go, and to leave messages unanswered if it protects your peace. If this doesn’t make sense to you, that’s okay! And if you aim to prioritize friendships, I truly think that is AWESOME. But for those of us who find wholeness in our homes and peace in solitude, I want you to know I am like that too. Neither is wrong. The best thing you can do is live in alignment with the way you’re wired!

♬ original sound – Brooke Raybould, Mom to 5 Boys

She’s not interested in small talk or mom nights out. She’s focused on the family and business she built, and says she guards her spare minutes “like gold.” She framed her take as personal, not prescriptive. She closed by offering a kind of permission: if other women feel similarly, they shouldn’t feel guilty.

Related: 9 simple ways to maintain friendships—even when #momlife gets crazy

The comment section exploded—and not with applause

The pushback was swift and intense. Women across platforms didn’t just disagree—they issued warnings.

Mothers shared stories of what happens when kids grow up and women are left with no support system. Daughters wrote about the guilt and pressure they felt being treated like their mom’s only friend. Others noted how isolating oneself, especially in early motherhood, isn’t just unsustainable—it’s dangerous.

Therapists, creators, and fellow moms pointed to the signs of emotional enmeshment. The most repeated message: your kids are not your friends.

@scottiesbabygirl: “Girl, stop. Really. Being a wife and mom should never be your whole identity. Go sit on that lady’s couch and talk it out, and stop coming up here to convince other women to be isolated worker bees.”

@alyshaladuke: ….does your husband not have friends either?

@bigeyedfish17: Who exactly are you trying to convince of your happiness? Us, or yourself?

@christyhojo: Female friendships saved my life postpartum

The emotional labor kids were never meant to carry

Parenting experts refer to this as role reversal or parentification. The American Psychological Association notes that children placed in these roles often grow up feeling over-responsible, anxious, and emotionally burnt out. Studies in Frontiers in Psychology confirm this link, especially when kids are positioned as their parent’s main confidante.

Children benefit most when they are securely attached to parents—while witnessing those parents maintain a robust adult support network. Modeling boundaries, community, and joy in adult friendships lays the foundation for emotionally intelligent children. It also protects against codependency and emotional burnout in adolescence.

Female friendships aren’t extra—they’re protective

Isolation isn’t just a vibe—it’s a health risk. One meta-analysis in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that loneliness increases early death risk more than obesity or physical inactivity 

Maternal mental health, in particular, is heavily shaped by social support. A 2022 review in BMC Psychiatry found that women with low social connection are significantly more likely to experience postpartum depression and anxiety, especially in high-stress parenting seasons.

Every quick coffee, group chat, or walk with a friend is a buffer. Not a luxury. A necessity.

The myth of “it’s just a season”

In many responses, women challenged the narrative of self-isolation as a temporary phase. The “season” idea—common in tradwife content—can stretch across decades, especially in larger families where the baby and toddler phase restarts again and again.

What begins as a short-term sacrifice becomes long-term social disconnection. By the time the youngest child is independent, many mothers discover their network is gone. Their identity outside of motherhood feels faint or forgotten.

Systems set this up—and women absorb the cost

Sociologist Dr. Jessica Calarco has written extensively about how American mothers are encouraged to solve systemic failures with personal sacrifice. In her interviews and research, she describes intensive mothering as a cultural coping mechanism: “It’s what’s left when the social safety net fails.”

When women are told their fulfillment should come from home alone, the result is not empowerment. The result is burnout, identity loss, and rising rates of maternal mental health issues. What appears as strength is often silence under pressure.

Friendship isn’t a distraction from motherhood—it’s a support beam

Children watch how adults live. When moms model connection, reciprocity, and joy in their friendships, kids learn that adulthood can be rich with emotional depth. Research in Developmental Psychology shows that children whose parents maintain peer relationships tend to demonstrate stronger emotional regulation, resilience, and relational skills themselves.

A thriving mother is more than a caretaker. She’s a person with her own story—and friendships are part of that narrative.

Related: This mom’s powerful message about ‘the village’ is making parents rethink everything

A full life includes community

Raybould described her video as a message for women who feel content and whole at home. She affirmed that everyone is wired differently. Many women in the comment section offered their own affirmation in return: no one should feel guilty for wanting or needing connection outside the home.

Friendship doesn’t need to be weekly brunches or group trips. It can be a few texts, a porch chat, a voice memo that makes you laugh while folding laundry. What matters is the lifeline it provides.

Mothers deserve friendship. Not as an afterthought. As a vital part of their lives.

Source:

1. Frontiers in Psychology. 2023. “A new framework for understanding stress and disease: the developmental model of stress as applied to multiple sclerosis.”
2. Sage Journal. 2015. “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review.”
3. BMC Psychiatry. 2023. “Associations between constructs related to social relationships and mental health conditions and symptoms: an umbrella review.”
4. Jessica Calarco. “It’s what’s left when the social safety net fails.”
5. American Psychological Association. “Robin Hood effects on motivation in math: Family interest moderates the effects of relevance interventions.”

source https://www.mother.ly/news/why-a-mom-calls-her-kids-her-built-in-best-friends/