Why some moms check every backpack on a playdate—and what it says about parenting today

When Lovey Edge brought her 9-year-old son to a playdate recently, she did something that might raise a few eyebrows: she asked to check his backpack. “Checking a backpack is a lot easier at 9 than 15,” she said in her viral Instagram video, her tone part caution, part maternal humor. Inside, she found drawings and toy figurines—harmless, yes, but the routine set the stage for something bigger: transparency, safety, and a way to start teaching responsibility early.

The moment sparked conversation online. Some parents nodded in recognition, recalling similar moments of vigilance. Others laughed—or cringed—thinking back to their own backpack rebellions.

The question quickly emerges: when does checking a child’s belongings become a tool for guidance, and when does it cross the line? Parenting, after all, is full of decisions that balance boundaries, trust, and protection.

The viral moment: Lovey Edge’s story

Lovey Edge, a mother of five, captured attention when she shared her backpack-checking routine on Instagram. She explained that before her son’s first backpack playdate, she wanted to make sure that everything he brought was appropriate for his friend’s home. “Just to make sure everything you’re leaving with is something that my friend would be OK with bringing in their home,” she told her son.

The moment is relatable, humorous, and candid. Edge even invited the father of her child’s friend to check the bag too. While he joked, “Are we looking for contraband? They’re only nine!” Edge stood firm: habits formed early are easier to maintain than those started in adolescence.

Her video resonated widely because it invited parents to share their own experiences. Comments flooded in from parents recalling their own “backpack discoveries,” from rocks and sticks to unexpected antique items, and even fashion experiments during sleepovers. 

Related: Here’s what a former FBI mom says about backpacks with your kid’s name on them

What parents are saying

The video quickly sparked a wave of reactions from parents online, reflecting everything from humor to cautionary tales:

• Anjahunkeler: “Not a mom but as a scout leader we found a lot of fun things in kids backpack. Once one was complaining how heavy it is and we lift it, it was very heavy so we checked. He stole somewhere some trampoline springs”

• Dezpeace: “Thanks for the advice already do this with my 5 year old but its mostly to check to see if he brought home rocks or bugs or something ”
  
• Melissa_laseter: “Hey, Brooke! When Staten was in Kindergarten, I checked his backpack. I found a pair of handcuffs in them. I asked him if he brought them for show and tell. He said, “No. my parents weren’t using them so I decided to bring them to school!” Jeff and I were mortified! Needless to say, when I saw his teacher I had to explain to those handcuffs did NOT belong to his parents!See you at the Grove tent!”

These anecdotes highlight how backpack checks reveal children’s curiosity, mischief, and the unpredictable ways they explore the world, rather than simply serving as a measure of parental control.

Related: As the backpacks get bigger, so does everything else

What experts say about safety, trust, and autonomy

While some parents may worry that backpack checks signal distrust, experts emphasize that the practice can support safety, transparency, and the development of responsibility. Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a family physician and resilience expert, told TODAY.com that checking a child’s belongings is less about suspicion and more about helping kids make good decisions.

Research on child development suggests that gradual transfer of responsibility—starting with smaller tasks and increasing independence over time—helps children build decision-making skills and self-regulation. For example, parents might check backpacks during elementary school, then step back in middle school, and eventually allow teenagers full control over their personal items.

Communication is also equally important. Explaining the reason behind the check—such as safety or ensuring items are appropriate for friends’ homes—supports transparency and builds trust. By framing oversight as guidance rather than punishment, parents can maintain boundaries while fostering responsibility.

How to check backpacks without checking out of trust

Backpack checks offer an opportunity to teach responsibility, foster transparency, and encourage respect. Here are a few strategies to make the practice effective without undermining trust:

• Start small and communicate intentions. Explain why you’re checking backpacks—whether it’s for safety, appropriateness, or just to stay informed. This helps children understand the reasoning behind the oversight.
• Adjust as children grow. Begin with regular checks in early elementary school, scale back in middle school, and gradually allow teenagers more independence. If mistakes happen, reassess and guide accordingly.
• Make it a shared family policy. Consistency matters. If backpack checks are part of your household rules, consider including friends’ belongings during playdates to maintain fairness and transparency.
• Balance oversight with respect. Encourage open conversation about what kids carry and why, giving them space to develop decision-making skills while still ensuring safety.

By approaching backpack checks thoughtfully, parents can create a framework that protects children while fostering responsibility, self-regulation, and trust.

Finding balance between safety and trust

Lovey Edge’s viral video reminds us that parenting is full of small, sometimes surprising decisions that balance boundaries and trust. Backpack checks might spark debate, but they can also be a meaningful way to teach responsibility, maintain transparency, and stay informed about children’s lives.

Every family will find its own rhythm. Some may check backpacks regularly, others only occasionally. What matters is the intention: creating a home where children feel guided, understood, and supported as they grow.

What’s your approach? Do you peek inside backpacks, or do you let kids navigate independence on their own? Parenting is rarely one-size-fits-all, and sharing stories—like those inspired by Edge’s video—helps families learn from each other while reflecting on their own choices.

Source:

1. Child Development. 2011. “Developmental Patterns in Decision-Making Autonomy across Middle Childhood and Adolescence: European American Parents’ Perspectives”

source https://www.mother.ly/parenting/why-some-moms-check-every-backpack/