Matthew McConaughey asks his teen one unusual question—what she shares might surprise you too

You ask your teen “How are you?” and get the classic shrug, eye roll, or monosyllabic “fine.” Sound familiar? Matthew McConaughey has found a surprisingly effective workaround—and it’s less about charm and more about phrasing.

On The Drew Barrymore Show, McConaughey revealed that instead of the standard “How you doin’?” he asks his daughter, Vida, “What’s it like being a teenager these days?” At first glance, the difference seems subtle—but it shifts the focus from a personal check-in to a broader, third-person framing. Teens can speak about their experiences without feeling immediately scrutinized, and McConaughey says it opens the door for honest, unfiltered conversation.

“Coming into the teenage years, I’ve had to almost be less of a dad in ways, be less judgmental... to sit on it and listen, then they keep sharing,” he explains to Drew, adding that this approach bridges the gap between parent and friend, likening it to being a “big brother.”

Related: Dad’s genius trick cut his toddler’s bedtime routine from 90 minutes to 15

Why third-person framing works

According to a study published in Scientific Reports, using third-person self-talk—referring to oneself using one’s name or pronouns like “he” or “she”—can reduce emotional reactivity and help regulate emotions. This psychological distance allows adolescents to reflect on their experiences without feeling personally scrutinized.

Experts say this is why asking teens questions like “What’s it like being a teenager these days?” can lead to longer, more thoughtful answers and foster more open communication.

Parents are trying it—and seeing results

Many parents report that small shifts in how they phrase questions can spark unexpected dialogue. One mom shared:

  • “When your kid comes home from school, try asking them…. Who did you help today? Start asking that question before they ever start school. They will happily share how they helped someone and they will be raised a more kind and Empathetic human being.” — @nannysbagoftricks
  • “I loved being in the car with 6 teens (i had 3 boys born under age 2- so always ALWAYS had 6 kids ) I could listen and later pretend to have curiosity about a subject later …… you learn so much with a closed mouth.” — @caribare
  • “I found out the best way to send your child off for school playdates or even now as they are young adults is “ have fun and make good choices “ — @bullardvictoria

Even short, low-stakes questions give kids permission to open up in their own way, whether they’re pre-teens or young adults.

Tips for parents to adapt the approach

Every age comes with its own challenges and ways of seeing the world, so the questions that open up meaningful conversation will naturally shift as your child grows.

Framing your inquiries in the third person helps them feel safe to share, while giving you insight into their experiences without judgment. Here’s how parents can adapt this approach for different stages of development:

  • Pre-teens (10–12): Ask about school projects or friendships in third-person: “What’s it like being in your science group this week?”
  • Teens (13–17): Broader social framing works best: “What’s it like balancing sports, school, and hanging out with friends these days?”
  • Young adults (18+): Invite reflection on life decisions without judgment: “What’s it like navigating work, studies, and friends at your age?”

The key is curiosity without judgment—a principle McConaughey calls his “big brother” approach. Sitting back, listening, and letting your teen tell their story is often more effective than any lecture, advice, or direct question.

Related: Teenage angst: From ancient Mesopotamia to my living room

A simple shift in phrasing can strengthen your parent-teen connection

You don’t need a celebrity to improve teen communication. The next time you want to hear more than a grunt or shrug, try reframing your question in the third person. It might just unlock a conversation you’ve been waiting for.

Source: 

  1. Scientific Reports. 2017. “Third-person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation without engaging cognitive control: Converging evidence from ERP and fMRI.”


source https://www.mother.ly/news/mamatthew-mcconaughey-teens-to-talk/

Comments

Post a Comment