A teacher used a vase to explain grief to her fourth graders—and parents everywhere are learning from it
When fourth grade teacher Ryan Brazil placed a glass vase on her classroom desk, her students didn’t expect an emotional lesson. But within minutes, that vase became a symbol of how grief fills our hearts and minds, and how compassion helps make space again.
The simple demonstration she shared in a viral Instagram video, now viewed 417,000 times, used pom-poms and a crumpled piece of paper to show her students how grief can fill our hearts and minds. It was a moment of vulnerability that resonated far beyond her classroom, offering a powerful reminder of how empathy takes root when we give children permission to feel.
A vase that became a lesson in empathy
In the video, Brazil begins by explaining that the vase represents her brain and heart. She drops in small pom-poms, each symbolizing the daily things that fill her mental space: noise, questions, mistakes, and ordinary stress. Normally, she tells her students, there’s still room for patience and calm.
Then she adds a crumpled piece of black paper. This, she explains, is grief. When grief enters our lives, it takes up space that once belonged to patience or focus. “Grief takes up space, not just in your heart, but in your brain,” she tells them. “It can make you more tired, less patient, and quicker to feel overwhelmed.”
Brazil shared with Upworthy that she recently lost her sister unexpectedly and wanted her students to understand why she might seem distracted or short-tempered. Instead of hiding her pain, she decided to talk about it, and in doing so, invited her students to do the same.
Afterward, the class drew their own “vases,” filling the inside with feelings and thoughts and the outside with things that help them make space again: kindness, laughter, drawing, talking, resting. Together, they created a collaborative piece that read, “We make space for each other.”
Why lessons like this help kids process grief
Children experience grief differently than adults. They often feel emotions they can’t yet name, and that can lead to confusion or fear. Research from the Continuity in Education shows that open, age-appropriate conversations about loss help children develop emotional resilience and reduce anxiety.
Similarly, studies published in the Child Mind Institute indicate that when adults model emotional expression and self-awareness, children become better able to regulate their own feelings. Brazil’s vase demonstration gave her students a tangible way to understand this—showing them that emotional capacity is something we all manage, and that it’s okay when the space inside feels smaller.
By bringing her grief into the open, she helped her students see that even grown-ups struggle, and that emotions don’t need to be hidden to be respected.
Related: Andrew Garfield’s heartfelt conversation with Elmo shows us why we should talk to kids about grief
What people are saying
The comments on Brazil’s video reflect just how deeply the moment resonated across generations and experiences.
- “I just want to hug the little person I can hear making little grief noises.” — annccabw
- “You are not a therapist, friend. No reason you should’ve worked these kids up like this.” — tonyandjamiediflorio
- “We need more of this kind of teaching and how to teach like this. It’s really power to our students. thanks for being vulnerable” — kristyheffnerhilton
- “Ugh and not to mention little kids only have a tiny vase (depending their age) so this is where tantrums come from. That’s why spilling their goldfish is just too much to handle. Bc it doesn’t have to be grief. It could be other things taking up their space.” — klrb28
- “This touches my heart on so many levels: I carry a 10 year old grieving heart inside me, the age I was when my dad died. He was a teacher, who was loved by students and parents, just as I’m sure you are. I’m a grief professional, educator, and writer for over 20 years and this is one of the most beautiful and clear and extraordinary explanations I have ever heard. Thank you from my grown-up and little grieving heart.
” — @mrs.brazil_28
The mix of gratitude, debate, and reflection reveals how powerfully grief intersects with learning and parenting. Many viewers saw the vase as a visual metaphor for empathy itself—a reminder that every child and adult carries invisible weight.
What parents can take from the vase metaphor
Ryan Brazil’s lesson offers more than a classroom takeaway. It’s a guide for parents who want to help children navigate big emotions at home.
- Create a “heart space” jar: Encourage your child to place drawings, notes, or keepsakes that represent the person or feeling they’re missing. This practice, supported by findings in the Journal of Loss and Trauma, can help externalize emotions and make abstract feelings concrete.
- Name what fills your vase: Use Brazil’s metaphor to describe emotional overload in age-appropriate language. Saying “my vase feels really full today” models awareness without shame.
- Keep the conversation going: Research from the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) shows that ongoing discussions about loss and emotional wellbeing help children build long-term coping skills.
These small actions can turn grief from an isolating experience into a shared process of understanding.
Making space for each other
When Ryan Brazil told her students, “We make space for each other,” she offered a truth that extends well beyond her classroom. Grief can shrink our capacity, but compassion expands it again. By making space for our own feelings, we show our children that theirs are safe too—and that healing often begins when we simply decide to share what we carry.
Sources:
- Continuity in Education. 2022. “Helping Children Cope with Loss: Legacy Interventions for the Grieving Classroom”
- Child Mind Institute. 2025. “How Can We Help Kids With Self-Regulation? – Child Mind Institute”
source https://www.mother.ly/parenting/teacher-explains-grief-with-vase/
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