Letter writing with kids: Why penpals are making a comeback (and how to start)

Somehow in parallel with 1980s stranger danger and faces on milk cartons, penpal lists were an actual thing. You could submit your name, age, address and sometimes even photo to various magazines and publications to find real life kids to correspond with. It does actually sound insane now, but from the moment Kristy in Illinois made me the most badass red, white and blue friendship bracelet, I was hooked. For a few years I kept in touch with a handful of penpals, lamenting homework, confessing crushes (who could they tell?), and exchanging handmade gifts. I lived for those mail days and wish I’d kept in touch.

Now something’s happening in mailboxes across the country that feels like that old magic returning. According to Pinterest’s 2026 trend forecast, searches for “snail mail gifts” have jumped 110% and “penpal ideas” and “penpal letters” are up 90% and 35%, respectively. In a world where we can FaceTime grandma from the grocery store and text updates in real-time, we’re collectively rediscovering the tangibility of actual mail.

Between the constant notifications and screen-time battles, there’s something deeply satisfying about a letter. It doesn’t spike your cortisol with a ping upon arrival, it can’t accidentally get deleted, and it doesn’t require a Wi-Fi password to access. But letter writing with kids goes beyond charming nostalgia. The research shows it’s a powerful tool for developing literacy skills, building family connections, and teaching patience in an instant-gratification world.

The brain science behind putting pen to paper

Recent research published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found that when 5-year-old prereaders practiced writing by hand, they significantly outperformed children who typed the same material. The handwriting group showed better letter naming, spelling, and word reading skills across the board.

The physical act of forming letters activates multiple brain regions simultaneously. When kids (and adults!) handwrite, they engage their motor cortex, their visual processing areas, and regions responsible for memory all at once. This creates stronger neural connections that support reading development. Brain imaging studies show that handwriting activates what researchers call the “reading circuit”—a network of brain regions essential for literacy.

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Handwriting also helps children break “mirror invariance,” which is why it’s so effective at helping them distinguish between easily confused letters like ‘b’ and ‘d.’ When kids physically form these letters themselves, creating slightly different versions each time, they develop a deeper conceptual understanding of what makes each letter unique.

Every time your child writes a letter to grandma, they’re building the brain architecture they need to become strong readers.

The emotional power of mail

Beyond cognitive benefits, letter writing creates connection that’s hard to replicate through other means. Research shows that when children feel loved and supported by their parents and extended family, they develop higher self-esteem and better emotional wellbeing. (I mean, it shouldn’t require a study, but still.) Written communication offers a way to express that love that’s tangible, permanent, and revisitable.

When was the last time you scrolled back through texts from months ago? Probably never. (Same as that camera roll which is testing the storage capacity of your phone right now. Sigh.) But a letter from grandma that arrived when you were seven might still be tucked away somewhere.

For kids, receiving their own mail helps them feel special and important in a way they can literally hold onto. For long-distance relationships especially, letters provide connection that doesn’t require scheduling across time zones or parent participation to facilitate video calls. Each letter becomes part of your family’s story.

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Teaching patience in a world of instant everything

Letter writing forces everyone involved to slow down and wait. Your child waits while carefully forming letters. They wait for the postal system to deliver their message. They wait for days or weeks for a response. In our immediate-gratification culture where kids can stream any show and message anyone instantly, that waiting is incredibly valuable.

Research on delayed gratification shows that children who develop the ability to wait for rewards tend to have better academic performance, stronger social skills, and improved emotional regulation. While the relationship is more complex than once thought—influenced heavily by socioeconomic factors, family environment, and life experiences—the ability to delay gratification remains a teachable skill that supports long-term goal setting.

Letter writing provides a perfect, low-stakes way to practice. The anticipation of checking the mailbox becomes part of the experience. The wait for a response teaches that good things sometimes take time.

Getting started: Letter writing with kids by age

The beauty of letter writing is that it scales with your child. At three, it’s a drawing with scribbles and stickers—perfect. At six, it’s thank you notes with creative spelling—also perfect. By nine, they’re writing actual letters to cousins across the country. By thirteen, they’re having deeper written conversations than they’d ever have face-to-face. (And maybe even sending intricate friendship bracelets.)

The goal shifts as they grow, but the core remains: you’re building positive associations (letters are fun, letters connect us), developing fine motor skills and literacy, and creating a habit of thoughtful communication. Start wherever your kid is. A stick figure and “Love, Emma” counts just as much as a two-page letter.

Making it actually happen

The key is making it easy and lowering your standards dramatically. Keep a basket of supplies somewhere accessible—paper, envelopes, stamps, stickers, colored pencils. Pick a rhythm that works: one Sunday a month, bedtime on Wednesdays, a postcard from every vacation. When mail arrives for your kids, make it special. Let them open it themselves, maybe keep a box for favorites.

And when they’re staring at blank paper with nothing to say, try these:

• What was the funniest thing that happened this week?
• What are you learning in school?
• What’s your favorite book/game/food right now?
• Can you tell them about that thing that happened?

Finding penpals beyond family

Start with cousins or chosen family in other states or countries—kids love hearing about the different lives of kids they know and love. Programs like Love for Our Elders connect kids with seniors in nursing homes, while Operation Gratitude and A Million Thanks help them write to deployed service members. If you’re considering online penpal matching services, look for robust safety measures: adult supervision requirements, no direct address exchanges, clear vetting processes. The Australia-based Global Pen Friends is a great family-friendly option for finding penpals all over the globe.

Why this matters now

In Pinterest’s trend forecast, the “snail mail renaissance” is part of a larger shift they’re calling “hobbying offline.” Searches for “poetcore” are up 175%, along with letter writing supplies and analog hobbies that provide a break from digital fatigue.

This isn’t about being anti-technology. Most of us aren’t giving up texting or video calls. But there’s a growing recognition that something valuable has been lost in the shift to all-digital, all the time.

Letter writing offers something rare: an activity that slows us down, connects us meaningfully, actively builds our children’s developing brains, and creates tangible memories that last. In a world optimized for speed and efficiency, that kind of slow, purposeful connection is exactly what many families are craving.

Imagine twenty years from now, your child finds a box of letters from their childhood. They can read your handwriting, see how their own writing evolved, remember the way Gigi always drew little hearts on the envelope. Those texts and emails you sent? Long deleted or buried in some digital archive.

Letter writing isn’t going to solve all of parenting’s challenges, and it’s not a requirement for raising literate, connected, patient kids. But the research is compelling: it helps with reading development, strengthens family bonds, teaches valuable emotional regulation skills. Most kids, once they get past any initial resistance, actually enjoy it.

Start small. One letter. One postcard. See what happens. The worst-case scenario is your kid gets some handwriting practice and grandma gets a sweet note to stick on her fridge. The best-case is you start a tradition that becomes a treasured part of your family’s story.

In a world where your kid can ask Alexa anything and get an answer in two seconds, there’s something magical about teaching them that sometimes, the best things are worth waiting for.

source https://www.mother.ly/child/child-learn-play/letter-writing-with-kids/