Can My Husband And I Pass ‘The Brady Bunch’ Test?

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On our very first date, my now-husband and I saw a show, had some pizza, and then walked around the city for hours talking about our families, our hopes and dreams, our likes and dislikes. It felt like we could talk forever. And cheesy as it sounds, that feeling stuck around even after we got married.

Then—and you know where this is going—we had kids.

Now we still talk endlessly, except our “hopes and dreams” sound more like: I hope this isn’t norovirus and I think K-Pop Demon Hunters is giving him nightmares.

In other words, we’re still communicating. But we’re not exactly connecting.

You know the Bechdel Test? Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel in the ’80s, the test requires two women to appear on screen together talking about something other than a man. It’s a surprisingly high bar that many major movies fail to meet.

What if there were a similar test for parents?

Enter: The Brady Bunch Test. Can two parents be in the same room and talk about something other than their kids or household logistics for at least 60 seconds? (And no, discussing whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher doesn’t count.)

I decided to try it out with a super scientific experiment of my own.

The Brady Bunch Test

• Duration: 3 days
• Subjects: Me and my unsuspecting husband
• The challenge: Can we talk about anything not involving our kids or the running of our household for at least one uninterrupted minute?

Here’s how it went:

Day 1

A complete wash.

The morning is the usual chaos of cereal, backpacks, and screaming (both the silent, internal kind and the loud, external kind). After drop-off, we sit at the kitchen table scrolling our phones and inhaling caffeine while discussing the day’s to-do list: laundry, camp registration, and how to get our son to sleep through the night (damn you, soul-stealing demons).

We briefly flirt with a non-kid topic at lunch until the conversation turns to the most boring subject known to parents everywhere: What should we make for dinner?

Then they’re home, the mayhem continues, and the talking is non-stop and all family-related (also, so loud). By the time the kids are finally asleep, we collapse onto the couch, stream the latest episode of The Pitt, and go to bed. If this were a real test, we wouldn’t even qualify for partial credit.

Day 2

Also not great.

I’m in the city all day, so the Brady Bunch Test doesn’t even stand a chance until evening. I fall asleep while putting my daughter to bed, then stumble downstairs to find my husband reading on the couch.

“How’s the book?” I ask, gently nudging us toward adult conversation.

He gives me a quick rundown of the plot, but I’m half-asleep and less interested in the secret agent sneaking into Spain than I am interested in sneaking into my bed. Technically, this could have counted. Realistically, I fail us both.

Day 3

By some miracle, we both slept well, which means we skip our morning ritual of competing over who’s more tired. We’re working from home and stop for croissants on the way back from drop-off, settling in with coffee before starting the day.

At first, we talk logistics, including what the hell to make for dinner (of course). But then we start discussing recipes we’ve seen online. One thing leads to another, and suddenly a conversation about mashed potatoes turns into a conversation about Portugal—past trips, cities we love, places we’d like to go again someday. Maybe a trip this summer?

Yes, travel plans technically involve our kids. But this conversation was also about us. It was nourishing in a way talks about sneaking veggies into mac and cheese just aren’t.

And interestingly, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. We talk about work over lunch. We swap some gossip after dinner. We still hit all the usual topics—kids, meals, laundry—but we manage to sneak in real, adult conversation too.

Success!

The Results

Parents everywhere are aware of the seismic shift kids bring to relationships, especially over time. Life gets busy, the relationship takes a back seat, and couples end up spending most of their time addressing tasks instead of each other. So what’s the solve? “Make time to connect around things that don’t involve children or tasks to do with the children,” family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT says. Easier said than done, maybe, but in my experience, even a small shift can have a big impact.

Attachment therapist Esin Pinarli, LCSW, agrees and has some thought starters for couples: “Ask what they are currently worried about or excited for? Something they might miss, something they are proud of, or even something that might have surprised them recently in life or about themselves. Topics and questions like these can rebuild the sense that you still know each other.”

Both therapists encourage couples to stay curious about each other and actually check in on the relationship itself—before you get so used to pushing these kinds of conversations aside that it feels foreign to bring them up.

And that’s probably what surprised me most about the Brady Bunch Test. It’s not that we don’t want to connect, but we’ve gotten so used to kid talk and logistics filling the space.

The test didn’t magically fix anything, of course. We still spend an alarming amount of time discussing snacks (too many) and sleep (too little). But even stealing a few minutes of conversation that has nothing to do with our kids reminded me we’re still two people who actually like talking to each other.

And honestly? That’s a win in my book.

Alexia Dellner is a mom of three, writer, and editor with bylines in PureWow, Women’s Health, SHAPE and more. She writes about parenting, travel, wellness, life hacks, and surviving the chaos. You can find her on Instagram @adellner.

source https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/can-my-husband-i-pass-the-brady-bunch-test