Chef Kathy Fang built her career on balancing tradition and innovation–now she’s doing the same with motherhood
Chef Kathy Fang spent her childhood practically living inside her family’s San Francisco restaurant, House of Nanking. Not by choice: her parents couldn’t afford childcare, so from age seven, she was there from after school until midnight, watching her father create the dishes that would eventually make him a legend in the Bay Area’s Chinatown.
But while she was learning the art of Chinese cooking, she was also absorbing something else: traditional Chinese ideals that would shape her for years to come. “Work hard, never complain, always listen to your elders even if you don’t agree, be humble and don’t call attention to yourself,” Kathy explains. “Very little praise, lots of tough love, respect for authority. Those ideals caused me to lack confidence as a kid to ever speak up. It’s hard to dream big and be a leader when you’re taught to follow and be reserved.”
Today, as a two-time Chopped champion, cookbook author, and co-owner of Fang Restaurant alongside her father, Kathy has built a career on innovation: modernizing Chinese cuisine while honoring the traditions that raised her. But her most important balancing act? Raising her own two kids with that same foundation, while giving them what she didn’t have.
Choosing what to keep and what to change
“There’s tension, but it’s actually a great thing,” Kathy says of navigating her traditional upbringing with modern parenting. “I get to choose from both sides. My foundation comes from how I was raised: the work ethic, the humility, the respect. The parts that worked for me, I repeat with my kids. But I’ve added what was missing: room for individuality, self-advocacy, finding your voice.”
It’s the same approach she takes in the kitchen. “I can only create successful twists on classics when tradition holds as the foundation. Without it, I’d be creating without the soul of Chinese food. Same with parenting. I’m working with that tension to find the winning recipe.”
Interestingly, her parents have softened considerably with their grandchildren. When asked if there’s anything she’s doing with her kids that would make her parents shake their heads, she offers, “I would say it’s the other way around, I’m shaking my head with how my parents are spoiling and letting them do anything they want, a drastic contrast from the ideals they upheld for me. Isn’t it funny how that works?”
Quality over quantity
Though Kathy works evening shifts Monday through Thursday and only gets about 2 to 2.5 hours with her kids after school, she’s learned an important lesson from her own childhood. Her father worked seven days a week, double shifts. “I never saw him except at the restaurant,” she recalls. But after school pickup was her time with him, and they’d try out restaurants all over the city during his quick break between shifts.
“It taught me something I didn’t understand until I became a parent myself: it’s not the amount of hours, it’s the quality of time. Busy parents beat themselves up over not being there enough. But finding one non-negotiable block and making it count? That can make all the difference.”
Those restaurant explorations with her father did something else too: they fostered her love and appreciation for San Francisco’s food culture. Now, she’s recreating that tradition with her own family. Her husband takes their daughter on daddy-daughter dates once a month to dinner somewhere either new or one of her favorite staples. And every weekend, the family goes out to try a new restaurant together. “We explore the various cuisines we have available at our doorstep and show them how beautifully diverse SF is, and food is the easiest way to explore that.”
Passing down culture without stress
For Kathy, passing down Chinese food traditions isn’t about elaborate weekend cooking projects. It’s about consistency. She’s created a strict Monday-Thursday schedule: traditional Chinese food for dinner, no exceptions. “One bone broth, one simple Chinese leafy green, one protein that’s steamed, stir-fried, or braised. Everyone knows what to expect.”
It’s a structure born from her own childhood, coming home to find dinner already simmering on the stove. “There was something really comforting about that. I want to recreate that feeling for my kids.”
Her advice for parents trying to pass down their cultural food traditions? “Create your top 5-6 dishes that you rotate through each week, no ifs, ands, or buts. Makes everyone’s life easier and the kids are adaptable—they will get used to it, week after week.”
The approach is deeply intentional. “As an adult, chef, daughter, and mother, I treasure those Chinese home cooked meals, those memories are so pronounced in my brain. Every dish was made with love and care. That’s what I want to focus on when I cook at home: how do I nurture my kids during their short time under our roof so they have those strong memories they can carry through with them to adulthood. So when they come home after college or after they have their own kids, they ask for those old school dishes they grew up on, that mom would always make.”
To maintain balance, she allows exploration Friday through Sunday. “They don’t feel deprived of other cuisines, even if that means chicken nuggets and fries is what they ask for on the weekend! I’ll tell you one thing: when your adult kids come back, they won’t be asking mom for those chicken nuggets.”
Raising kids comfortable in both cultures
Kathy struggled with her cultural identity as a child. Her father packed what she calls “exotic” lunches: pork belly rice, soya chicken with noodles, while everyone else had paper bag sandwiches. “I would beg for Lunchables, anything to help me fit in. That feeling of being different, of your food smelling ‘funny,’ I remember it vividly.”
Her kids have been lucky not to experience that. “They’re growing up in San Francisco at a time where Chinese food is on every corner and all the people who live here are so multicultural with advanced palates around various cuisines that my kids showing up with boba to school or talking about XLB isn’t unusual but the norm.”
Still, she’s thoughtful about how she talks to them about food and culture. “I always ask them about everything they eat: if they like it, what they like about it, where it comes from, if any of their friends come from the originating country of the cuisine we are exploring. Find connections through food and people they know so it feels like a bridge to another culture, not a wall.”
Making space to experiment
Where Kathy’s upbringing was rigid, she’s intentionally looser with her daughter, who’s currently into cooking. “I always let her taste first and ask her opinion: what does it need, how does it taste, what could make it better? She gets to think and create.”
Even when the ideas are questionable. “This morning she asked if she could dip her hard-boiled eggs in whip cream. I told her to try it and let me know how it tastes. I love seeing the thinking behind it.”
Her son, on the other hand, isn’t interested in cooking at all. “With him, I don’t force it upon him. At some point though, I will have to teach him the basics. He has to grow up and be an adult man who can cook and take care of himself.”
A dish that connects generations
There’s one dish that ties everything together for Kathy: the iconic Nanking sesame chicken. “This dish put my dad on the map. It’s ubiquitous to our brand and the ultimate representation of Chinese American. My father innovated using local ingredients with Chinese techniques, creating something that 38 years later still has a cult following.”
She grew up watching its creation, has eaten it more than anything on the menu, and has watched millions of people eat it. “It’s ingrained in my brain as the dish that brought our family success. It symbolizes creativity, love, family, and sacrifice.”
What makes it even more meaningful? “My kids love sesame chicken—it’s one of their favorites from our restaurant. The generational reach is so special to me.”
It’s about finding the balance: honoring the foundation while leaving room to innovate. “That’s the winning recipe,” Kathy says, “whether you’re making mapo tofu or raising kids.”
source https://www.mother.ly/career-money/work-and-motherhood/chef-kathy-fang/
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