Alex Spitz on the care gap, the power of community, and finding joy in new motherhood

When Alex Spitz became a mom 15 years ago, she was blindsided. She’d imagined her newborn son would be her little accessory—baby Nikes, lunches with friends, 12 blissful weeks of maternity leave. Instead, she found herself isolated, angry, and completely unprepared for the emotional earthquake of new motherhood.

That shock eventually became fuel. After finding her own lifeline in a local mom group, Spitz saw what was missing—and what was possible. In 2012, she launched New Mom School in Orange County, California, a structured, research-backed, in-person support program for postpartum mothers. Thirteen years later, the concept has grown into a franchise with 37 locations across the country (21 of them currently open and operating), all built on a simple but radical idea: new moms shouldn’t have to do this alone.

In this episode of the Motherly Podcast, Spitz sits down with Liz Tenety to talk about the “care gap” that leaves so many American mothers unsupported after birth, why in-person community can’t be replaced by a screen, and how surrendering to the chaos of new parenthood might actually be the first step toward enjoying it.

Related Rachael Devaux on why moms need more protein, letting go of perfection, and slowing down

Meet the expert

Alex Spitz is the founder and CEO of New Mom School, a nationwide franchise of in-person postpartum support centers for new mothers. A mother of two (including a 15-year-old), Spitz created the program after her own difficult transition into motherhood revealed a glaring gap in care for postpartum women in the United States. New Mom School offers structured, research-backed group programming organized by baby’s birth date, bringing together mothers in the same stage of the postpartum journey. What started in a therapy office in Orange County in 2012 has grown to 37 locations across the country. Spitz is also a coach who works with women and couples navigating the early years of parenthood.

Liz Tenety: You know I’m going to ask it. What surprised you about new motherhood?

Alex Spitz: What surprised me the most was actually how my relationship changed with my husband. We had always had this really adoring relationship and once we had our first baby, that really changed. I was not expecting that at all. And it caused a lot of my shock and challenges during new motherhood.

Liz Tenety: That’s a lot, because the foundational relationship of your family shifted. How did you guys navigate that new dynamic as a couple?

Alex Spitz: At about eight weeks postpartum, he looked at me and said, if this is how it’s gonna be, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to stick it out. This isn’t what we signed up for. And there was a lot of scorekeeping—who did the most, who changed the most diapers, who woke up the most at night. It really forced us to look at the foundation of our relationship and say, do we want to work together to get through this so that we can stay together, because we love each other so much? That’s essentially where we had to get to.

Liz Tenety: So many paradigms today for modern couples navigating the mental load of parenthood—a lot of the answer seems to be scorekeeping. The mom makes the big list, the dad sees it, and you shift the labor. But there’s something about the scorekeeping approach that doesn’t feel right. What’s the alternative?

Alex Spitz: The alternative is to be on the same team. We all want the same outcomes for our families. What I always have our moms do is write a list of all the responsibilities and put a star next to the ones that give them the most anxiety. Then say to your partner, I need these things taken off the list. You can phrase it as, what are the things you like to do? Or even, what are the things you hate the least? Giving each other options and choices is usually better than saying you need to do X, Y, and Z. Nobody responds well to being told what to do. You want both parties doing the things they like to do—because they’ll want to do more of it—and the things they hate the least.

Liz Tenety: Talk about what you went through when you became a new mom and how that ultimately led to the creation of New Mom School.

Alex Spitz: When I was pregnant with my first son, I felt like my life wasn’t going to change. He was going to be my little accessory. I was going to dress him in cute little man clothes and baby Nikes. It was the first time I wasn’t going to be working since I was 15 years old. I was 30, and I had 12 weeks of maternity leave. I was going to catch up with all my friends.As we all know, that’s not the reality. The expectations are so vastly different than the reality, and that reality kicked my butt. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. Everything I was reading had conflicting information. I felt like a failure. I felt guilt no matter what I did. I just kept thinking, why didn’t anyone prepare me for this?

Liz Tenety: So what happened when you found that mom group?

Alex Spitz: My mom said to me, you need a mom group. And I went begrudgingly because I had been burned by a group of girlfriends in middle school and had trauma from not wanting to join another group of women. But I felt like it was my last resort. I’d tried a therapist, I’d talked to family members and friends who had babies. It wasn’t enough.So I went to this mom group and met women who became some of my best friends. But what I realized is that our instructor, who was so sweet, couldn’t really answer our big questions. And I found myself going down a rabbit hole because there is so much research behind what happens when you have a baby—what happens to the woman and the relationship and the family unit. None of that was being given to new parents. There is a real gap in care.

Liz Tenety: You decided to not only start one support center for moms, but what has become a nationwide network. Can you talk about New Mom School itself, the philosophy behind it, and why you think it’s taking off?

Alex Spitz: One of my greatest strengths is that when I identify a gap in something, I’m able to identify the solution and fill that hole. I knew that the mom group format is beautiful—from the beginning of time, women have been gathering in communities, supporting each other. But that has really been taken away from us in this country.So I saw a big opportunity: take the original mom group format but bring in research-backed information and actual experts to present on their areas of expertise. I created what I wished I’d had as a new mom. That launched in 2012 in Orange County, and it grew like wildfire. I went into a Facebook group, asked if any moms with babies under 12 months wanted to meet weekly, and I found a therapy office where we all sat on the floor.In 2023, I decided to make it a franchise, because I knew moms everywhere needed this. Here we are in January 2026, and we have 37 locations across the country—21 open and operating, with the rest in development.

Liz Tenety: What have you learned from the women who want to help build this with you? What have you learned about the care gap across the country?

Alex Spitz: We are all living parallel lives. No matter how old our babies are, no matter how old our kids get, women are craving community and support. You can put us in a room with 20 women and they will all give you a version of the same story—that they weren’t prepared for motherhood, that new motherhood was surprising, that they had all these expectations that didn’t turn out to be true. The women who have come to us are driven, motivated, passionate, and they want to be part of our movement. My dream would be that we create policy change—that every woman gets to have some kind of community and village across this country.

Liz Tenety: How does having a sisterhood of support as a new mother really change the trajectory of your motherhood experience?

Alex Spitz: It changes the outcome for our babies. The mother is the nucleus of the family. Hard stop. When mom is not okay, nobody’s okay. I’ve gone through my own mental health challenges—I suffer from pretty bad depression, and anxiety that goes with it. When I’m in my low times, I have to speak up and say I’m low, and my husband jumps in as the protective layer.When we are taking care of ourselves, that’s when our family thrives. The happiest humans are the ones that have the deepest, most vulnerable, and real connections and relationships with friends. Our classes are extremely structured. There’s a specific topic every week. It’s not a free-for-all support group. I wanted to create spaces where we talk about the real things—the vulnerable things, the things that keep us up at night feeling guilty and ashamed.

Liz Tenety: In 2026, we’re acutely aware that social media is not a substitute for community. Why is the in-person component so essential? Why have we not evolved beyond needing real, physical support from one another?

Alex Spitz: I actually launched an online program and it flopped. I was devastated. I put so much work and money into creating the online experience, and it failed. Because that’s not what moms need. They’ll take what they can get, and there’s incredible programming out there, but that’s not what they need on a weekly basis. They need the in-person connection. We’re hardwired to be in community. We’re tribal as humans.There’s another piece of magic in New Mom School: our classes are organized by your baby’s birth date. You’re in a class with other women who have babies born within just a few weeks of your own. When you have friends whose babies are even six months older and you have a newborn, it may as well be a six-year-old. The difference between a newborn and a six-month-old mother—she’s a whole new person.

Liz Tenety: How do you answer people who wonder why you’d need to go to “school” to learn how to be a mom? Or women who feel almost embarrassed that motherhood doesn’t come naturally to them?

Alex Spitz: New Mom School is the reinvented village, because the village actually was the New Mom School when we were raising children amongst multigenerational families and we lived close to our families. We don’t do that anymore because of technology. We’re able to go where jobs take us, which means we’re without our village.Is it the most ideal? No. Should you be in a community with your aunts and uncles and sisters and grandmothers bringing you things? Yes. But because that’s not what it is, we have to be creative. We know that on class one, moms’ anxiety is through the roof. By week four, it’s come down to maybe a five. By week eight, when they’ve concluded their series, their anxiety is down to about a one. They feel more confident, their insecurities have melted away, and now they have friends for life going through the exact same thing at the exact same time.

Liz Tenety: What about a mom who just happens to live somewhere without a New Mom School? What’s the ideal recipe of support, and what steps do you recommend new mothers take to build that reinvented community?

Alex Spitz: Find moms wherever you can. There are so many resources online now where you can find groups, therapists, any type of mom meetup—even if it’s just at a park. Even though it feels unfair that there isn’t support in your community, you have to go find it, because you’re only hurting yourself if you’re not finding community.Go to the park and sit there. Other moms will talk to you. Even though it can feel awkward, ask another mom for their number. Whether it’s at the hospital, somebody’s house, your church, your temple—wherever you go, find a group. Just having other women around you is going to elevate your experience. Have a group text. Go to the park once a week. Walk the mall. If you have a Nordstrom nearby, they have a beautiful lounge in the women’s restroom and you’ll always find women in there with babies. Just sit there. You’ll find people.

Liz Tenety: I know you’re passionate about not just helping moms survive motherhood but moving women to a place of joy and thriving. What advice do you have for listeners who want to get out of survival mode?

Alex Spitz: The first thing I always say is to surrender. You have to surrender to the new normal. If you’re fighting the new normal and feeling like you can change it or that it’s unfair, you’ll stay in that headspace. You have to lower your expectations. Be open to what the day is going to bring versus begging the baby to sleep through the night when they’ve never slept longer than three-hour stretches. You’ll consistently be let down and start feeling resentful toward your baby, which is a horrible feeling.But the joy—it comes from community. That is the key to unlocking joy in motherhood. People who have done it before say the most important thing is the village, the sisterhood, being in community. You know the saying, “enjoy every minute”? I hated that saying because I actually didn’t enjoy every minute. I didn’t enjoy most minutes. But if you look at the big picture, that saying came from somewhere. There was a time where being a new mother was enjoyable. That’s how it’s supposed to be.It’s like any job. If you don’t have the right tools and resources to do your job well, you’re not going to knock it out of the park. New motherhood needs support, resources, community, and other people who have walked the path.

Liz Tenety: Is New Mom School covered by insurance? What do we need to know, and what needs to change in how we support new moms?

Alex Spitz: Tragically, New Mom School is not covered by insurance as an in-network provider. I would love for that to change. I think it should absolutely be covered by some kind of insurance, HSA, or FSA. If anybody is out there listening who is able to help move this forward and has a passion for this, I would really love to talk to you.This type of support is very much worth it over some piece of gear or a nice-to-have. This postpartum support is a need to have. It’s a huge investment in the future wellbeing of you as a mom and your family and your kids. OBs and pediatricians love us because we are the place they can send their patients to and know they’re in trusting hands, where they’re getting good, research-based information.New Mom School is this safe place where none of that other stuff matters—your religion, how you vote, what your childhood was like. You are all going through the exact same thing at the same time. In a country that is so divided right now, it’s the most beautiful thing. However we can get it as part of your standard care after your baby’s born—that’s my goal.

Liz Tenety: At Motherly, we believe that motherhood brings out our superpowers. What do you see as your superpower?

Alex Spitz: My superpower is my sensitivity. As a little girl, I was teased for it. I was told I cried too much, that I was too sensitive, and I was made to believe that my sensitivity was a weakness. I’m an empath—I feel other people’s feelings, I know what they’re needing.New Mom School came from that gut-wrenching experience I had as a new mom, because I knew my superpower was knowing how other people were feeling. Once I joined a mom group myself, I knew that we all need exactly the same thing. Sitting in my group when Jack was a newborn, I had the most calming and peaceful feeling being in that room. And it needed to be better. So I took an already amazing idea and made this a nationwide, necessary thing.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Listen to the full conversation on The Motherly Podcast.

source https://www.mother.ly/podcasts/the-motherly-podcast/alex-spitz-the-motherly-podcast/