Should Teens Have Locks On Their Bedroom Doors? One Mom On Reddit Asks If It's "Normal"
Children being allowed to have their own space — space away from parents, siblings, whatever — is always important, but when it comes to teenagers, it feels like an especially big deal. Whether your teens are able to have their own room or not, having a safe space where they can go from the rest of the family (and not be hounded for it) just feels like a must.
But so many families have a lot of different rules surround teen bedrooms, and one mom took to Reddit to ask: should teens have locks on their bedroom doors?
The original poster (OP) shared in a post on the subreddit /parenting that she recently moved into a new home with her kids, including a 14-year-old daughter. It’s their first time owning a home since they rented previously, and she was excited to change up some things in the house, including adding doorknobs that locked to every bedroom (yes, even her teen’s). “I was the oldest of five. Not only did I have a bedroom door lock, you better believe I used it. Otherwise my siblings would just walk in whenever they pleased,” she writes, asking others if this is “normal.”
Because apparently, her ex didn’t think so.
She shares that her daughter has been telling her father about the new house, and OP’s ex-husband has some serious issues with her allowing their 14-year-old to have a lock on her bedroom door. “He believes I am creating an unsafe environment for her by letting her have knob with a lock. Keep in mind that almost all my previous rentals had locks on the bedroom doors. For some reason it’s not safe HERE, in the house I happen to OWN, while he’s living with his mother because his credit is shot,” she says, acknowledging that she thinks most of his issue stems from bitterness. But she goes on to ask, “Do you allow your teens to have locks on their doors? Does it matter that the teen in question is an honor roll student who has never gotten in trouble nor given us a reason to believe she’d be doing anything she shouldn’t be in her room? Also, I can pick that lock easily. If I wanted to, I can gain access to that room whenever I want.”
It feels like one of those things, like talking about sex or drinking with your kids, that people seem to think will be a gateway into doing “bad” stuff. Like if you give a kid a lock on their door, then what’s stopping them from doing whatever they want in there, right? But most of the fellow parents on Reddit felt like bedroom door locks are a privilege and fine to have — but they can also go away as a consequence of poor actions.
“We always had locks and full trust until/ if we did something that broke parents trust, like major bad teen things, then we lost the privilege of a lock,” one commenter wrote.
“As long as used appropriately. Everyone needs privacy sometimes,” another shared, even noting that this has been especially obvious to her with a 14-year-old son.
“As long as you can get in in an emergency, I think it's fine,” one commenter suggested.
Another fully agreed with OP, citing siblings and a mom who came in without a single pause as a reason to allow locks. “I grew up with younger sisters, so you'd best believe my door was always locked. Not only would they just walk in, but my MOM would just barge in too. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I just wanted a space that wasn't subject to random invasions. It's super normal for teens to have bedroom doors with locks. It's just normal for bedroom doors to lock in general.”
But some commenters disagreed, arguing that there’s no point in a door lock — teens should just shut their doors if they want privacy, and then siblings and parents can knock if they want to come in.
“In a supportive and safe home, nobody should need to have a lock on their bedroom door. Not all homes are supportive and safe in the way that suits every occupant of that house though, so again, it's not an inherently bad thing, but in my experience, it is far from normal,” one wrote.
“The kids have door locks but we do not use them. We respect a closed door and knock first,” another shared.
Which... also sounds fine? But I think there’s something nice and secure about a lock on your door. Even with a knock, sometimes a parent or sibling may not wait until a teen responds before coming in, or a teen might be changing/doing something private and need a few minutes before they can open the door. A lock — if you have a good foundation of trust built between your kid — seems like it could help a teen feel even more secure in their safe space.
No matter what, it feels like there should never be a “no, absolutely not” about teens having locks on their bedroom doors. If yours wants one and you’re hesitant, ask them why — is it because siblings barge in? Because you aren’t waiting long enough after knocking before opening the door? Do they just want a little extra layer of privacy? Go from there, and surely you can find a solution that makes everyone comfortable — especially your teen.
source https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/should-teens-have-locks-on-their-bedroom-doors-one-mom-on-reddit-asks-if-its-normal
Comments
Post a Comment