The ‘Jessica’ trick for toddler tantrums is all over TikTok — here’s what a pediatrician wants you to know
If you’ve been on TikTok lately, you’ve probably seen it: a toddler mid-meltdown, face red, tears flowing, the whole production. Then a parent calmly says, “Jessica? Jessica, where are you?” And the kid just… stops. Looks around. Waits.
It’s the kind of parenting moment that makes you wonder if it could really be this easy. Videos of the so-called “Jessica trend” have been racking up millions of views, with parents testing it on their own kids and posting the (often hilarious) results. But is this actually a solid toddler tantrum strategy, or just another viral parenting hack with a short shelf life?
We asked Dr. Madison Szar, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician with Bluebird Kids Health, to break down what’s really going on — and whether it’s worth adding to your rotation.
Why the ‘Jessica’ trick works (it’s brain science, not magic)
Here’s the not-so-glamorous truth about toddler tantrums: during a meltdown, the emotional part of the brain is running the show. “Kids have big feelings with low control and limited ways to express those feelings,” Dr. Szar explains. The “Jessica” trick works because it interrupts that cycle — what experts call a pattern interrupt. “Saying ‘Jessica, where’s Jessica?’ encourages toddlers to pause and breaks them out of the emotional loop,” she says.
And there’s actually something specific about this approach that sets it apart from other go-to distractions. “Sometimes as parents, when toddlers are mid-tantrums we will try to distract them with toys or food, but this can produce more stimulation and often result in toddlers throwing the toy or pushing food away,” Dr. Szar notes.
A name — unfamiliar, unexpected — doesn’t add more stuff to the sensory pile. It just gives their brain something new to latch onto. Kids will pause to try to listen, and that simple act of pausing can be enough to shift the whole moment.
There’s also a modeling component that’s easy to miss. When a parent calls out “Jessica” in a calm, even voice and then waits quietly, they’re showing their toddler what regulation looks like. And toddlers, little mirrors that they are, often follow suit.
Does it have to be the name ‘Jessica’?
Nope. “Though it’s a lovely name, there is nothing magical about the name ‘Jessica,’” Dr. Szar says. She notes that phrases like “Do you hear that?” or “What’s that smell?” can work the same way. It’s the unexpectedness that does the heavy lifting — when a child’s brain is stuck in a loop, something out of left field can break the pattern.
(So if you want to go with “Bartholomew” instead, go for it. We won’t judge.)
Dr. Szar says the trick tends to land best with kids in the 12-to-24-month range, when attention spans are short and curiosity is high. At that age, a surprise question is often more effective than handing over a toy or a snack because it encourages a genuine pause rather than piling on more stimulation.
When distraction isn’t enough: what to do after the tantrum stops
Now, before you build your entire discipline strategy around calling out names from a 1990s yearbook, Dr. Szar wants to be clear: redirection is a tool, not a replacement for connection.
“While this may work, it is not a replacement for connection,” she says. “Once the tantrum has de-escalated, this might look like a hug or validation of feelings — ‘It is hard to have to stop playing, I see that you were upset. I love you.’”
The goal, she says, is finding balance between using distraction techniques without minimizing feelings. Redirection and emotional validation aren’t opposites — they’re teammates.
For the parent reading this from a grocery store aisle right now
If you’ve tried naming feelings, getting on their level, breathing exercises, offering choices, and your toddler is still on the floor because you put the red cup back — Dr. Szar wants you to hear this: that’s normal. Frequent tantrums over small things are completely typical for kids in the 12-to-24-month range, and these behaviors often improve when the behavior is ignored.
But if your gut is telling you something feels off — if tantrums are more frequent or intense than you’d expect, or if they’re leading to unsafe behavior — she encourages reaching out to your pediatrician.
In the meantime, give “Jessica” a try. Worst case, your toddler ignores you (so, a Tuesday). Best case, you get a gloriously confused pause and a moment to breathe.
source https://www.mother.ly/toddler/jessica-trick-for-toddler-tantrums/
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