"I Have To Shower Before Sex & It's Killing The Vibe"
This story is an “as told to” and anonymous. The mom in this story is a mother of two, in her 30s, living in the Southeast.
I have never been fully confident in the bedroom. Even with my husband — and we’ve been married for eight years — I always feel a little nervous and never that sexy. He does all the right things. He encourages me, he physically and verbally validates me, he proves to me every day how much he loves me and how into me he is — and it’s helped, a little bit. But when it comes to our sex life, I’m still not great at initiating, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong, and there is zero spontaneity or getting carried away with the passion of it all...
Because I always have to shower before I have sex, and it’s kind of killing the vibe.
I think it started after I had our second kid. I wanted to be intimate with my husband, but I always felt gross, with curdled spit-up in my hair and unshaven arm pits and just generally not like myself. So I’d shower, shave, do all the things to make me feel good, and then we’d have sex.
From that point on, it kind of became a thing — if I said to my husband, “Hey, I’m going to take a shower” he knew I at least would be somewhat interested in him propositioning sex.
But now it’s gotten out of hand. Because if my husband tries to kiss me randomly or starts flirting, giving me his “let’s have sex” face, I immediately worry that I’m gross. I’ll do the math in my head, realizing I went to the gym the day before but didn’t shower, and now that’s old dirt with sweat dried on top of it and then new dirt and yuck. I’ll tell him, “I need to shower first” and while he’ll totally wait for me, I hate it — it feels like I’ve killed the whole vibe.
I was in therapy before all this started and have made sure it’s not some compulsion thing — it’s not like I’m a germaphobe or a freak about being clean. It’s just when it comes to sex. And I know I’m lucky — I have a husband who is so into me, he’ll wait an hour for me to shower and feel like my best self before we pick up where we left off — but I’d love to get rid of this weird thing of mine and just jump into my husband’s arms, even if my legs are hairy and I haven’t showered in 24 hours.
He promises me he doesn’t care, that I’m never “gross” to him, but he’ll do whatever it takes for me to be comfortable.
One of my friends always turns it around. “Do you think he’s disgusting if he hasn’t showered in a day?” and of course I say no. But why can’t I give myself that grace?
Maybe couples therapy would help. Maybe there’s something causing this insecurity of mine that I can’t quite name. But I don’t want my husband to think he’s done anything wrong. It’s just me. It’s all in my head.
Even a shower every day doesn’t help. Unless he suggests sex right after I get out, I just know that a few hours of chasing after kids, cleaning the house, and cooking meals makes me feel so gross and not sexy at all. Maybe the shower represents something else for me.
Or maybe I’m just that scared of my postpartum BO.
source https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/i-have-to-shower-before-sex-its-killing-the-vibe
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