It’s summertime, and the living’s anything but easy for us moms. School is out but work is definitely not, so you’re shuttling your kids between overpriced half-days at camp while trying to get home in time for a conference call. And because it’s the season of beach trips and theme park visits, you’re probably also in the thick of planning a vacation or freshly back from one. But any parent will tell you that a vacation with kids is hardly a vacay at all — it’s just regular parenting with more sand and palm trees. Right now, moms are flocking to Reddit to share the same sentiment... and how much they miss a chance to truly relax and recharge.
On r/Mommit, multiple users have posted in the last 24 hours alone about the challenges of vacationing with kids.
“I miss real vacations,” writes one poster. “I think every mom who vacationed before kids and after kids knows what I’m talking about lol. I miss real, relaxing, rejuvenating vacations. Where I got to lounge around on the beach and have someone bring me drinks and food while I did absolutely nothing. Sleep in. Get out of bed when I wanted. Stay in bed all day if I wanted.”
The user makes a distinction that a lot of parents do, saying they no longer take vacations but “trips” — “where we go to beautiful destinations and do the same shit we do at home.” For context, she says she and her husband have one child who is 2.5 years old.
Another Redditor is in the same boat, with a child the same age, calling their recent beach trip the “vacation from hell.”
“Nothing about it has been relaxing or went as planned. He has been fighting and protesting against EVERYTHING,” they wrote. “So we thought OK, we're gonna chill at the beach and sometimes let him decide what we do. He would choose something and then scream that he doesn't want to do it, as soon as we start to lol. Now I realize we put way too much pressure on a 2-year-old by having him make decisions. I feel like a useless parent.”
Often, you’ll hear the suggestion to bring the grandparents along on the trip in order to get a little time away from the kids. But one mom shared an “aha” moment from her summer vacation with family this year: traveling with family actually made the trips even more stressful because her mother kept reminding her that other people have had it worse. Their most recent vacay was a group of nine adults, two teens, and one rambunctious toddler.
“We’ve had a few family vacations this summer already, and I feel like each of them has been insanely stressful. Yet my mom would remind me ‘we used to do this with (her sister and brother-in-law and their 2 kids) with 4 kids’ in an attempt to basically shut down that they had it harder,” she wrote. “The difference is that their ‘difficult’ vacations were all hands on deck; no one was able to enjoy their vacation because everyone was in the same boat. It was man-on-man defense. This time around, it’s very much the majority enjoying their vacation and occasionally helping with our toddler while my husband and I fight for our lives.”
The comments make it clear that pretty much every parent feels this way when their kids are young, while sharing their best tips for navigating it:
- Vacations with young kids are a scam. You’re just doing the same shit somewhere else, and it’s even worse because the kid is overstimulated and off their routine. Their sleep schedule is out of whack, their eating is out of whack. Not much about it is fun except the small windows of time they are happy and distracted. Day trips were way more fun than full-on going somewhere for a few days.”
- “When our kids were younger, cruises with included kids’ club was a lifesaver! Our kids love going to the club, and we got time to actually relax.”
- “Do you have any friends you could go on a girls’ trip with? Or maybe even a little solo getaway. Doesn't need to be long or even far, just a night or two off in a hotel alone!”
- “I highly recommend a nice tropical resort with childcare (e.g., Beaches, Club Med, etc). Being able to leave the kids for a few hours while you work out, nap, waterski, snorkel, etc., is wonderful. I was never a resort person until having kids, and when they are older we probably won't do resorts anymore, but as babies and toddlers they have been a vacation-saver.”
- “I totally relate. I changed my mindset of vacations right now are for them (memories) and, while definitely exhausting for me, are still worth it. We'll get back vacations for us someday!”
- “My husband and I vacation separately for exactly this reason, and it works great for us. One of us stays home with the kids while the other travels, and we take turns doing this. Way cheaper and easier than vacationing with kids. And we actually come home rested.”
(Here at Scary Mommy, we love the 30 on/30 off method, where each parent takes over kid duty in half-hour intervals so the other can read, sunbathe, or do something for themselves.)
Parents of older kids also promised these posters that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Wrote one, “Hang in there! Vacations become a lot more fun when they’re older. You’re doing a great job.”
So yes, even with older kids, you’ll still have to pack all the things and probably organize their entertainment for the plane or car. But when you arrive, maybe — just maybe — they’ll entertain themselves for some chunks of time, and you can get a few chapters into that beach read you’ve been eager to start.
source https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/moms-reddit-miss-vacations-before-kids
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