The first time I asked my children if they ever wanted kids, all three of them shook their heads at the same time. To be fair, we were at a restaurant and a toddler was screaming their head off. I laughed thinking that was the reason and I should’ve picked a better time to ask them such a big question. Also, they were teenagers. I guess most people really don’t really know as a teenager if you want kids or not.
But I did. My goal was to graduate high school, go to college, become a writer, get married and have kids. I was laser focused. I didn’t waiver. It was never a question.
But my kids aren’t me. Yet I figured I had plenty of time to change their minds. I had to! After all, having grandkids was a part of my life plan too, and I kind of need my children for that.
Fast forward to today: they are all in their 20s. And they are still holding strong. There’s no doubt in their minds that they don’t want kids. It has nothing to do with that crying toddler they listened to while enjoying the Chinese buffet. It’s “the world we live in.” It’s the “expense.” It's “time and energy.”
They don’t seem to feel sad about it. They are firm in their decision and don’t think it’s a good idea to bring children into this world with everything they are hearing about what’s happening to our future, to their future.
But I’m still hanging on to some hope. Maybe things will change, but I’ve also realized I have to come to terms with it all.
After all, I’ve supported every decision my kids have made. I let them stop playing sports in high school when it was clear they weren’t into it. They didn’t want to go to a traditional four-year college. My youngest rarely wears shoes and doesn’t want to drive. He’s a free spirit who wants to travel the world and work as he goes. My daughter started a business at a very young age.
And you know what? I let them go;I had faith. I trusted them and they have all created a beautiful life they very much want to share with me because I didn’t try to direct or micromanage.
I don’t want to fuck that up now by pushing my dream on them. But damn it’s been hard. There are certain things in life I thought would just happen for me. And being a grandmother was one of them.
I’ve had to work hard on this one. I’ve done my share of asking questions and telling them that having kids was, hands down, the best decision that I have ever made. They are the loves of my life. They have changed me in all the best ways and they know that. And yet, this decision is theirs to make. I’ve said my peace. This is their life. Not mine. I can be sad about it when they aren’t around. Life is full of disappointments and I need to handle this one.
Thank goodness for dogs.
Diana Park is a writer who finds solitude in a good book, the ocean, and eating fast food with her kids.
source https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/im-coming-to-terms-with-the-fact-that-my-children-dont-want-kids
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