I keep reading about fall resets and, well, sure... I want one. Who doesn’t, really? A fall reset is a chance to turn a metaphorical fresh page on your personal story without any of that New-Year’s-Resolution pressure. But as a busy mom, I already feel like I’m failing at this. With one kid settled at college and another finally back in the back-to-school routine, I blinked and somehow September came and went. The calendar changed, the weather cooled, and I kept hitting reset on my reset. It’s not exactly an auspicious start!
While a fall reset sounds great in theory, in reality, it can be hard to make it happen amid chaotic mornings, after-school practices, homework, tutoring sessions, weekend sports events, making dinner, keeping a home clean, and, oh yeah, my own work. Suddenly, something that should be a fresh little personal improvement project is feeling big and weighty and like just one more item on my endless to-do list. So for help, I turned to Dr. Rachel Goldman, a New York City-based clinical psychologist, author of When Life Happens: The Mindset Shift You Need to Manage Stress, Build Confidence, and Break Free, and a mom of two herself.
“A fall reset is so much more realistic than New Year's resolutions because transitions are already happening around us,” Dr. Rachel, as she’s known, tells me. “January is overwhelming because there's just so much pressure to make a New Year's resolution, but fall is natural. Everybody is going back to school, the season is changing… it's just a natural time to be thinking about a refresh or reset.”
Start Small
The key to a successful reset, Dr. Rachel continues, is to keep your goals in perspective. “I think people think a reset means that you have to overhaul your whole life,” she says, “and I always like to take it back and pause, and ask, ‘What do I need or want out of this season? And then identify one thing.’”
Maybe you want a consistent bedtime. Maybe you want to add movement into your day. Maybe you want family dinners to actually happen more nights than not. But landing on one small tweak to your current routine is more approachable and realistic than thinking you're going to refresh your whole life — “because that tends to work for like a week, right?” she says. (It’s like she knows us!)
For me, landing on two reset “wish list” items has made this undertaking feel so much more doable. I realized that part of what’s been holding me back is that I couldn’t even put my finger on exactly what I wanted to change after a difficult summer. So, my two things are committing to a renewed focus on work after a purposeful pause, and building more opportunities for joy and connection into my days.
Starting small can also mean baby-stepping your way into your goal, Dr. Rachel says. If you want to build a daily meditation practice but you’re starting from scratch, block off 10 minutes to start, not an hour. If you want to begin journaling, start by writing just a few thoughts a day in your notes app, not setting a 20-minute writing goal from the get-go. My goal of fostering more connection might look like sending at least one "thinking of you!” message to a friend, or aiming to schedule one coffee meet-up a week.
Visualize It
Dr. Rachel also recommends visualizing what you want your season to look like. It’s an exercise she does with clients, asking them to close their eyes and imagine a magic wand just gave them the season they want. She then asks them to describe what they’re seeing, smelling, and feeling.
Verbalizing what the result of your reset goal looks like in your real life can help you clarify just what, exactly, you need to do. Did you picture an idyllic morning walk with a friend and smell the fresh air, hear the conversation, and taste the coffee you’re sipping as you stroll? Having that strong image in mind can help you actually get it on the calendar and make it happen.
Prioritize It
Of course, it’s that last part (the action) that’s critical. “I can’t take credit for this quote, but I always say that a goal without a plan is just a wish,” Dr. Rachel says. “So if you want to hit the reset button and you have a goal, you have to put the plan in place.”
If you want more free time, that might mean actively delegating things off of your to-do list, rather than adding something in. If your goal is to build movement or connection into your day, block off an hour on your calendar for a walk or a class, or coffee with a friend.
Be Flexible
Finally, remember that a reset goal — even one you’ve visualized, planned, and scheduled — isn't set in stone. It’s totally fine to reevaluate and tweak as you go along, Dr. Rachel says. So if your reset goal is working for you and starting to become a habit, it might be a good time to add another. If not, take a moment to rethink your reset and change course (or just give yourself a break) without guilt.
“The most sustainable reset is actually being flexible enough to adjust when life happens,” Dr. Rachel says. “Maybe you intended to go to the gym, but you're not feeling well. Or maybe your kid is home sick, or you had a really busy week. If your reset goal becomes too rigid, that can become problematic. So remaining flexible and kind to yourself is really important.”
source https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/fall-reset-tips-psychologist
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