Kids losing sleep during the holidays basically a rite of passage. But for moms with ADHD? By that point, the holiday sleep deprivation started weeks ago.
Here’s how mom-of-two Alba C. puts it: “[During the holidays] my mind races to the point that it can take me hours to fall asleep, or fall back asleep. I’ll have thoughts like, ‘Did I buy enough presents?,’ and ‘I have so many presents to wrap!’ Those thoughts start piling up, and that can put me in a moody state where I get irritated very easily.”
Nobody wants to be the holiday Grinch. But when you toss executive dysfunction into the mix with social obligations, family drama, and midnight present-wrapping marathons, the holidays become a brutal obstacle course for moms with ADHD.
“Mothers are often responsible for much of the invisible labor associated with the holidays, from coordinating family schedules, to purchasing and wrapping gifts, moving the Elf on a Shelf, making the ‘holiday magic,’ and keeping a pulse on everyone’s logistical and emotional needs,” explains neuropsychologist Dr. Jessica McCarthy. “For women with ADHD, these responsibilities can become especially overwhelming.”
So moms with ADHD, hear this: You aren’t failing at the holidays — they’re just intense. We talked to experts — and some moms who’ve been through it — to find out how to ditch the burnout, survive the chaos, and rediscover holiday magic this season. Here are some ways to cope.
1. Share the Load
The holidays amplify struggles with executive dysfunction like forgetfulness, task avoidance, or missing details, explains Dr. Ifeanyi M. Olele, a board-certified psychiatrist with Genesis Psychiatric Solutions. To ease holiday stress, he recommends delegating responsibilities to other family members and asking for help wherever possible.
“Moms shouldn't feel that they have to do everything themselves. If you have a spouse or partner, communicate and divide responsibilities. If there are teenagers or adult children in the house, ask them to help with some of the holiday preparations,” he says.
2. Create An Escape Plan
Holiday parties are where Jacquelyn D.’s ADHD symptoms — including sound sensitivity and social self-consciousness — feel the most intense. To avoid spoiling the party, the 47-year-old mom of two always comes prepared with an escape plan.
“I take a break when I need to, and don't feel bad taking a few minutes to regulate myself,” she explains. “I have some social masking techniques as well, like keeping conversations short and directed outward, and using checking on the kids as a reason to step away and get some fresh air.”
3. Make Sleep A Priority
During the merriest season, many moms stay up late wrapping gifts, organizing events, or completing tasks they couldn’t get to during the day. Since sleep deprivation magnifies difficulties women with ADHD are already working hard to manage — like attention, working memory, impulse control, and emotional regulation — Dr. McCarthy advises that sometimes the most productive thing a mom can do is leave something unfinished, and go to bed.
“My advice is to treat sleep as a priority rather than something that happens after everything else is finished,” says McCarthy. “Set realistic cutoff times for holiday tasks, maintain consistent sleep routines when possible, and resist the pressure to sacrifice rest to meet unrealistic expectations.”
4. Build In Downtime
One of the biggest mistakes busy moms make during the holiday season is assuming that because there’s technically room on the calendar for another activity, they have the emotional capacity for it, explains Kristen Carder, an ADHD coach and author of You're Not in Trouble: The ADHD Guide to Building Healthy, Connected Relationships.
“If you know that an afternoon with extended family is going to be emotionally taxing, don't schedule another demanding activity immediately afterward. Build in downtime, protect your routines when possible, and pay attention to early signs of dysregulation.”
5. Start Early
Amy H., an author and mother of eight, keeps her own ADHD symptoms in check by planning ahead. Her advice? Start your preparations early. Like, early, early.
“Start earlier than feels reasonable,” Amy recommends. “ If the prep is done early, December gets to be about the good stuff instead of the panic. Your future self will thank you — and so will everyone who has to live with that future self.”
6. Let Go Of The Idea Of ‘Perfect’
While social media scrolls portrays picture-perfect holiday decor and flawless family photos, Emily M., a mom of five, reminds us that real life is rarely as immaculate as it appears through tiny screens — especially for moms with ADHD.
“When I feel myself starting to spiral and feel like I’m not enough, I look at my husband, my kids, and my friends, and I remind myself that I’m worthy even when I’m not perfect. Some days I have to come back to that over and over again, and that’s okay,” she says. “That is the practice.”
Learn more about how to handle your ADHD symptoms at https://www.reframeadhd.com/
source https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/getting-through-the-holidays-with-adhd
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